Have You Ever...

Have you ever
imagined what your life would be?

Have you ever
imagined spending life with another?

Have you ever
imagined how your life would change?

Have you ever
imagined your love for another?

Have you ever
imagined the strength of your love?

Have you ever
had another share their life?

Have you ever
had another share their love?

Have you ever
felt the strength of that love?

Have you ever
been aware the other has changed?

Have you ever
felt the tug on your heart?

Have you ever
been betrayed and hurt by your love?

Have you ever
cried until your tears were all gone?

Have you ever
forgiven, and opened your heart once again?

Have you ever
felt the strength of your love return?

Have you ever
loved and trusted even more?

Only to feel the hurt once again.

Only to open your heart to the pain.

Only to cry...

Have you ever
forgiven and opened your heart yet again?

Rambling (rollin', rollin', rollin', ...)

I MUST blog.  I crave blogging.  I miss blogging.  Why you might ask?  Therapy.  Blogging is my therapy.  Blogging gets the stuff out of my head and on a blank page.  I cannot write in a diary.  Not literally but I just do not have the discipline to sit down every night and write out what I believe to be my "oh, so insightful thoughts". I have 13 separate journals, diaries, notebooks or whatever you want to call them, all over the house, with only 2-5 pages of writing in each.    So now on with the therapeutic rambling.

What is today?  I'm pretty sure today is Thursday but I cannot be 100% because it feels like a Monday or maybe Tuesday.  Wednesday?  The days have been running together for the past two weeks.  Way too busy at work.  Way too busy at home.  Between kids at school, reading as homework everynight, parent/teacher conferences and a Kindergarten "research" paper - Good Grief!  No wonder the people of our wonderful country are so stressed out.

Do you remember that old commercial for Calgon?  I think it was a water softener or bubble bath, anyway something to that extent.  I wish, hope and pray for Calgon to take me away every single day.  Now don't get me wrong, life is great.  Actually quite wonderful in fact but everything is running together.  Maybe that's a hint for exercise, you know, running.  Nah!

Kids are good, hubby is good, I'm good except my body seems to be rebelling.  Too much stress I think.  Refresh my memory, how did I handle this same amount of activity 10 years ago?  Psoriasis has been my major issue as of late.  Started in July - dermatologist finally confirmed my original suspicion this week.  Hmmmm?  Maybe I should "practice" medicine.  Back to my skin...they say psoriasis is brought on by stress. Hmm?  Anyhow, new diagnosis, new medicine so now my skin seems to be finally getting better with the prescribed medicinal ointment.  Yay! No more lizard skin!

Also abdominal issues.  Pain in lower right abdomen.  Nope, not appendix.  The "practicing" doctors have taken all of the tests, taken much of my blood, poked, prodded (ouch!) and looked inside via MRI and sonogram.  This situation cannot be seen like the skin probs but good grief there are times when the knife like pain is worse than contractions.

I have a new hobby in Facebooking.  Reconnected with so many friends from High School and elementary school.  It truly is amazing how you lose contact with your "best" friends of the time.  Will be heading to hometown this weekend for a HS Reunion Happy Hour.  Can't believe its been 25 years!

Have a new boss.  He's absolutely great because he is housed out of Vegas.  We communicate via email mostly and he's kind of wordy like I am.  This boss seems to be able to keep me engaged at work, without hanging over my shoulder (figuritively), and is motivational through his encouragement.

Let's see, what else has changed?  Still have Bear (dog) and Sassy Cat.  Hubby bought Ben a 35 gallon fish tank so new fish are always showing up to replace those that have moved on to that great reef in the sky.  Normally known as a toilet.  Also rescued a cat when I decided to visit the animals behind the glass wall.  Animal lovers beware!  This is a bad idea.  You will fall in love with the biggest cat that puts his arms around you, like a hug, and purrs like a Mac truck.  Frankly, this was the best decision I have made in a long time - because he's mine and I love him dearly.  He snores when he sleeps too.

I feel better.  Thank you for reading and listening.  I am off to bed for what I hope to be a restful night.  Sleep well and sweet dreams fellow dot comrads.

Now Is The Right Time

Evidently, August 7th was NOT the right time. Nor was the 8th, 9th, 10th, and so forth and so on until today's date. Actually, not even today is the right time.

I have been trying to blog about Ben's very first day of school since about... oh... say August 7th. I seem to have issues with my camera. I guess the major issue is I can't seem to find time to download my camera. Now, I don't know where my camera is. Not a helpful situation.

So, once I find my camera and get the pictures uploaded to my camera I will blog about Ben's first two weeks of school. I can say it has been quite the two weeks!

Who out there knew, Kindergartners have homework?

I will get back on this website, with pictures, stories and hopefully my sanity. See ya soon!

I Think It Might Be Time

I think it might be time to change my blog a bit, update it, change it, maybe even start using it again!

I have realized though many days are contained in one life, you can also live life in a day. My updated blog will be about the life lived within the constraints of an every day ordinary life. From a child's cuts and scrapes to the naturzl beauty of the surrounding world.

Hmmmm..... I would appreciate thoughts and comments on the theme of the PhoenixJoaquin blogspot. Let me know.

LJ

Happy New Year!

The new year rang in quietly at the Joaquin home. Comfy PJs, a sleeping hubby in my lap, favorite movie on in the background.

My New Year's wish is to enjoy quiet moments throughout the year. Be still, listen, and enjoy all that is most precious. My wish is... Love Actually.

Wow! Long time... time for an update?

The Navy Wife is alone no more. No longer coping while hubby is away. Time to change the header.

Jerry is home. He came home (stateside) the evening of September 14th, 2008. I met him at Pt. Mugu (Magoo) late the following day, in the cool (shivering) California coast night time air. Tears, hugs, kisses and lots of hugs ensued.

I was just so very happy he was finally home safe & sound. The world is right again. I am whole again.

J is adjusting well to civilian life. Only a couple anxious moments with traffic and crowds. That and the inability for him to stop and relax. There is always some project around the house that needs to be done. I guess it's hard to stop the 24/7 life.


I will update soon. Promise.

Ninety-Three Days & Counting

We are finally on the downward trend so I am posting an update to Jerry's status over-seas. I will be sending my laptop over to him since his died a couple of days ago so I'm taking this opportunity to update all family, friends, and dot.comrades.

NMCB-17 has been working hard in the Al-Anbar province of Iraq building the 2nd largest bridge the SeaBees have ever built. Pretty cool huh - at least I think so. During the process a local Sheik visited the building site and brought food & tea a couple times a week for the troops. He loves the Americans and is grateful for the work they are doing. Specifically, a portion of the land the bridge was built on belongs to a family who has been working that land for over 200 years.I am trying to find pictures of the completed project but only the start of the project has been posted so far. Once I find something, I'll find a way to post updates as I can. Hopefully, Jerry's computer can be repaired fairly quickly so I can get mine back. Jerry has been doing well and the two month bridge project opened the opportunity for my husband to sport a mustache. Well, maybe mustache is overstating the caterpillar living on his upper lip. As I have already seen the growth via on-line video conferencing, he has since removed his facial project.

Jerry is the sailor (soldier) on the left. Hey! I guess this is a finished picture of the bridge (although you can't really see much of it).

Keep him (and us) in your prayers during this journey over the top of the hill. I look forward to the day, I can hold him in my arms and keep him all to myself for several days before returning him home to awaiting family. =)

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Winston Churchill once said to the british public, during the Battle of Britain, "They also serve, those who stand and wait".

Thank you to all the military spouses and families who stand and wait for their loved ones to return home.

God Bless.

Hey Jan - This one is for you!

From left to right - sisters K&C, Just Laura, cousins Mike & Jan

My cousin Janice visits the post periodically and reports the occasional news to everyone back home in Illinois. I thought I'd honor her with a blast from the past. Jan is on the far right - another cousin Mike is next to her.

Jan came to visit (with other family as well) one summer in 1978 (the year after we relocated to AZ). I remember all of us kids sleeping in one bedroom with the scent of vinegar lofting through the air. Someone had gotten a sunburn and vinegar was applied for the its cooling effect.

I remember singing "Oleander, Oleander, Oleander, Oleander" to the theme of Hallelujah Chorus although I'm not sure how that one got started. Parents and older cousins went to Las Vegas and all of us minors =) stayed home with Grandma Mary.

Memories from the past - Jan played clarinet in high school (When The Saints Go Marching In and Bear Necessities) and had beads hanging in her room. A yellow T-Shirt with "Dangerous Curves" written on the front. 5yr age diff between the two of us?

Good times! Love you Jan!

The Heat Is On...

98 degrees today. Triple digits are not far behind.

The worst part of the past couple weeks - allergies. I have not suffered from allergies this severe since 4th or 5th grade when we first moved to Arizona. My mom reminded me I used to be her little helper in the garden - just like Ben - until we moved. From that point on I was the inside helper.

I remember going to the nurse because I had something in my eye. At first glance the nurse thought I had pink-eye since my eyes were so red. No such luck. Allergies.

Ben wanted to play outside last week so I grabbed a book and figured he could run like a wild child while I sat peacefully with my literature. My nose (& eyes) started running but I stuck it out thinking this was the worst. An itchy face is fairly normal with my allergies - mind you I'm sitting on the patio, not rolling in the grass. A new symptom has reared it's ugly head on my face - a red rash & hives on my eye lids. Yippee!

I pray for the heat only because allergies lessen when things stop growing. And things stop growing in the dry Arizona heat of summer. Woo-hoo! ???

Welcome to the Neighborhood

With the onset of spring comes life. We have a family of baby birds living in our saguaro cactus. The saguaro has boasted several large living areas with scenic views ever since we moved into the neighborhood. I have always seen local avians coming and going but no moving vans ever showed up. This evening as I was passing by, I could hear the small cry of hungry babies.

I believe we have a woodpecker family currently housed within the skeleton of the saguaro but I'm not sure. Parents seem to be gone in the early AM as I leave for work and home serving dinner before I am.

I will try to catch up our new neighbors sometime during the week and catch a snap shot or two for posting.

Updates

Let's see, it's been quite the busy week. This post is more of an effort of memorization so I can remember what I need to put in my letter to Jerry. So much stuff is buzzing through my head, I always forget something. This is my list.

I actually finished our taxes on the 14th, which is fairly odd for me since I usually finish the first week in February. Procrastination is a way of life for me right now. It seems every issue that rears its ugly head is more important than the last and thus pushes everything else backwards. At the last minute, taxes became the MOST important issue - DONE! Check.

We (although not together) celebrated our fourth anniversary on Wednesday. I bought a bottle of wine I did not drink and a movie I didn't watch to celebrate the evening. Let's see, Ben was not very hungry and wanted cereal so we partook of raisin bran and soy milk, bathed Ben and fell asleep around 9:30pm. Isn't romance wonderful? (hee-hee)

Started a yoga class on Tuesday. Ninety minutes of yoga in a 103 degree room with 40% humidity. Aside from the obvious, sweat, the heart was a pumpin for pretty much the entire class. Who knew Yoga could be a cardio work out. Now you have to realize, I live in a very hot area and frequently work in the yard, walk and play with kids in this kind of heat. But wow, when you attempt to control your breathing (all nasal) as well as contorting your body into different poses - whew! I love it! Skin felt great, body feels alive, brain is more alert! Lots of water and electrolytes is a must. Anyway, the second class on Thursday was much better since I knew what to expect and frankly it didn't feel quite as hot either. I think I have finally found a workout routine I actually like. Will keep you updated.

Fixed a leaky sink (replaced fixture) in the kitchen last week but one small connection on the reverse osmosis was a problem, so I've been emptying a bowl of water every day. I forgot Thursday night and didn't realize until 2am last night (Friday). The particle board underneath was somewhat wet so Ben and I went to the hardware store to purchase a new replacement piece of plywood. After pulling up the old wood, I found the original cabinet bottom had rotted through and we have a mold issue. This is definitely something thats been around for a while - not just my little leak problem. Yick! Mold creeps me out. Anyway, Ben and I went back to the hardware store so I could get bleach, gloves and an air mask so I could get to cleaning. Decided to procrastinate again and spent some quality time with Ben, bathed him and read some books before putting him down @ 9:30ish. I'll work on the mold issue tomorrow when Bekah comes home.

Thought the washing maching issue was solved a couple weeks ago but guess what? - it has taken a crap on me again. Time to replace. More $$$$$ =(

Backyard is taking shape - weeds are disappearing a little bit each week. Storage has been utilized so clutter is also vanishing. The gazebo awning does need to be replaced since the sun did quite a number on it. Didn't even last a year! Moe (tortoise) has been out & about and still comes when called for dinner. Kind of scared me one evening when I was weeding by myself and felt a slight nudge on my leg (sitting on ground). I thought I was alone - Moe had come back out of his home to visit. Who knew reptiles had personality?

Truck did not pass emissions - need to make appointment for service. Recheck emissions, register.

Trees are growing wonderfully in the backyard (grapefruit, mandarin orange & jacarunda). These are the ones planted the same day Jerry went over seas. Ben wants to plant some more "stuff" but obviously other issues are pending. Maybe next weekend. Ben is a gardener. He loves to dig holes, water plants and even help weed. I love it - he's getting so very tall and looks like Jerry more and more each day!

Bekah is becoming closer & closer to teen-hood every day. She's one month away from the big thirteen! Moody, snotty, attitudinal. Also, much more helpful, aware, self-confident. I completely forgot (selective memory) teenage years can be such a contradiction. She can be so very sweet and loving one moment and snotty and disrespectful the next. I miss her so much when she's at her Dad's house, snot & all. She'll be back tomorrow and the house will feel better.

I'm sure there's more but this is a good start. Hopefully, I can keep up with the blog (once the mold is gone) a little more regularly.

I am still here...

I've got a question for the Navy wives out there... or even the wives whose husbands are away for long periods of time.

I have come to the conclusion (just this weekend) I do not like to be home. Home is not complete without Jerry here. I am just not completely happy in this house I call home. I do not feel whole.

Is this normal?

I left for my parents house Friday evening within an hour of getting home. Packed up myself, Ben and Bear, loaded up the truck and took a drive. My parents didn't even know we were coming until I called from the road. Once there we had a great time. Ben was wonderful and we were able to spend much needed quality time together. Quality time is so much easier when all of your projects and to-do lists are 100 miles away! =)

Anyway, when Sunday evening arrived I did not want to come home. We actually woke up this morning at 5:30am and drove home this morning, unloaded the truck and ran off to work. Again, not spending too much time inside the house.

Am I losing my mind? Should I talk to someone about this?

Writing Contest

So, during my blog travels last night around the world we know as the internet I stopped off at Jen Lancaster's place - Jennsylvania. I love to stop by and visit "with" her periodically because she absolutely cracks me up. I mean, snickering so loud in a waiting room (while reading her book) patients are commenting. Quite the comic genius in her writings.

Anyhow, evidently Jen was to sick to be her normally witty and creative self so she opened up a writing contest about a personal weight story - gained, lost, whatever. 500 words or less. I figured "What the Hay?" because the prize is an autographed copy of her newest book. And as I said earlier, she cracks me up. I have to try and I love her stuff.

This is my story. Definitely not motivational. It's not good or bad but somewhat indifferent. Kind of the way I've approached by weight.

I have always obsessed over my weight and here I sit writing about my non-committal attitude towards actually doing something about it. I haven’t always been overweight. In fact, I was a “string-bean” with knobby knees all through school and still I obsessed thinking I was too skinny. Now, the bigger boobs seem to act as a counterbalance so most people don’t notice the extra weight. I do.

Whether I’m conscientiously eating a nice healthy salad or downing an entire sleeve of Thin Mint cookies I constantly think about my weight. I think about what I need to do to get back on track and lose the 25 – 30 pounds I picked up along the way. I think about trying the “Mind Over Matter Weight Management System - Just think yourself thinner!” No I’m not an idiot, but I swear it’s happened before. When I was younger it seemed all I had to do was think about losing weight and, in the words of Emeril “BAM!”, the fat just fell right off. Nowadays the exact opposite occurs, I just think about those Peanut M&Ms and through the scientific process of osmosis those M&Ms somehow show up on my thighs.

Honestly, I have started to monitor my food intake because my doctor told me I’d probably have a longer, higher quality life without all the bread and cheese. Come on! I’m a Midwestern girl these things are dietary staples. All kidding aside, my cholesterol count was too high and my triglycerides were over the top. I’ve tried to cut fried foods out as much as possible and replace them with healthier alternatives. Other than the scheduled monthly chocolate requirement, snacks now include baby carrots, tomatoes and sugar-snap peas – sans dressing. Sadly, I haven’t lost much weight with my lower (complex)carb, lower cholesterol dining habits but I have to admit I do feel better and have more energy. I think I can even feel the blood flow more freely through my arteries.

Recently, I have been mentally (not yet physically) moving myself towards that four letter word… can I say it… EXERCISE! Wait! That’s nine letters. Anyway, I already have the elliptical, Pilates machine, exercise ball as well as a variety of exercise videos so I really don’t have any excuses. Except - when do I truly have time to exert this kind of energy and move my body? Full-time job, two kids, dog and cat aside, I suppose my nightly blog activity could be completed earlier in order to go to sleep at a decent hour thus enabling an earlier start to the day and take an early morning walk. It seems feasible.

So I guess it’s time to act, set the alarm a ½ hour earlier and start moving in some form or fashion. I really don’t have to like it I just have to do it. Hey! The morning walk may even tire my ever energetic, non-stop three year old son. Now that’s incentive!

Questions, Questions, & More Questions

1. What color is your bra? - Black w/frisky comments in fuschia, pink, purple


2. Do you straighten your hair everyday? - No, it's bad to do it everyday


3. Do you worry about the size of your boobs? - Not really. However I'd like to be able to button a blouse all the way - I have to wear a tank 'cause normal shirts just don't fit over these things


4. What’s your favorite girly magazine? -


5. Would you kill for chocolate? - No, but I would trip them, grab the candy & run


6. Jeans or Skirts? - Jeans.


7. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that’s uncomfortable? - Sadly yes. I'm such a slave to fashion - HA! But yes.


8. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy? - Yup, my wedding day


9. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie? - Of course


10. Would you leave the house without makeup on? - Yeah, usually Home Depot runs


11. Do you consider making out “unladylike”? - No way


12. On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping? - Books are a definite 10


13. Are you spoiled? - Don't think so


14. Do you think lip gloss is the best? - Don't use it.


15. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show? - Ya - Jericho


16. Do you yell a lot? - Embarrassed to say Yes. @ Ben mostly. Makes me sad to admit it.


17. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? - W/shower 1 hour, without 40 minutes, w/Ben around anywhere between 1 - 3 hours (honestly)


18. Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work? - No. Pajama pants in public - come on, I'm an adult.


19. Accessories make the outfit; true or false? - True!


20. Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe? - I love pink, but no.


21. Lip gloss a must? - Not at all


22. Status? - Sleepy and stupid for staying up so late


23. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy? - No.


24. Do you often wish there was something you could change about yourself? - Yes, I'd like to finish something


25. Gold or silver? - Both. As long as its white gold


26. The guy that you like/love/whatever, what does his name begin with? - J


27. Do you dress up too much for holidays? - No, though I wish I had the opportunity


28. Do you like wearing dresses? - No, I'm with Sandi on this one. You have to sit like a lady with a dress on. Ugh!


29. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems? - Uh, No(t anymore)


30. What makeup could you not live without? - Bare Minerals Foundation

Greetings from Iraq!

Yea! Slept really well last night could be due to the blessing of wonderful dreams of Jerry =) Had warm fuzzies all day thinking of him. All in all a great day!

Praying for good dreams again.

Heart is Breaking Tonight

Recently, I have found it difficult to even visit some of the other Navy wives I frequest. Most times I receive support from their words of wisdom and even just knowing others are out there with the same circumstances is comforting. When a wife (or family) is in need I pray - I think its important people realize they are cared for and prayed over. But as I mentioned earlier, I have had a hard time visiting some of these posts.

The last few days visiting with these websites, I have come to miss my best friend even more. It seems that although I read stories from women around the country (even overseas) it makes the distances between Jerry and I so much more. More what? Real? Inconceivable? Far away? Expansive. I find it difficult to comment as I do not want my downward mood to effect others. Although here I am posting it tothe world.

I miss talking to him about the little stuff of life. The flowers blooming, the crack in the windshield, the rocks collected on walks. I think most of all I miss his presence. Just to know he was here in the house or just across the state line was bearable. An ocean? It's just too huge to comprehend.

It seems once a month (hmmmm... that seems kind of pattern like) it dawns on me how very far away he is. Sending a care package was even bittersweet. It's nice to know he will open the box and touch the same items I had touched. He'll enjoy the cookies sent and pictures Ben made for him. To see his expression when he pulls the picture of Ben's self portrait would be heaven.

This journal is my release and I'm hoping it helps enough to relieve the stress enough to enjoy a full night's sleep. Good night.

The ULTIMATE Peep Show!

I had to keep the Peeps theme running around. I received this from one of my sisters at my work email and to see the Subject line, I was a little taken aback (same as Blog Title). I don't know who put this together but very clever indeed!

Enjoy the Peep show and check out those chicks - Wow!

I Just Knew It...

So guess what? My prediction for the spring forecast was correct (see previous blog) - I went & screwed it all up. We've been ranging the mid to low 80s for the past week(s) and its been kind of nice to work in the yard and work on some color before swimsuit season.

Weather person indicated during the news earlier this morning, "If you have outdoor stuff for the weekend, get it done on Saturday." Evidently, our high for Saturday will be around 78 and sunny (not altogether odd for AZ). But Sunday, high of 64, cloudy with chance of rain.

Maybe I should do the ultimate outdoor activity and wash my car just to clinch the inclement weather around the corner. I guess Ben and I will work on getting the backyard mowed and trimmed before grass & weeds are too high to deal with. (see the weeds over there under Ben's right hand - it's in his sandbox)

For those of you with temps below 64 - I do not mock our low temps or believe them to be even close to yours. I just don't want to give up my shorts so soon - I was kind of enjoying the shorts and tank weather.

Spring Has Arrived

Now that I have absolutely jinxed the entire spring process for the Sonoran Desert...

It is spring here in the SW Desert known as Sonora. My job frequently takes me to different places throughout the state and I love this area. Yes, the summer is hot, sweltering hot but as they say it is a dry heat and as long as you drink lots of water survival is easy. Anyhow, my travels are very routine and frankly the sometimes 3 hour one way drives can get monotonous to say the least. I have taken to looking at the map and trying to differ my routes to various state highways and other roads.

Earlier this week, I took my camera with me and was able to snap a couple pictures of spring taking over the hills. Poppies cover numerous hillsides and bright purple, yellow and red flowers color the local roadways. I am always impressed by the palette of vibrant colors available for my senses to experience here in the desert. Aside from the recent cool weather (mid 80s), spring is the best time to experience the Sonoran Desert.

As I travel throughout the state, I will bring my camera and hopefully introduce my readers to the wonders of my home. Soon, our state tree, the Palo Verde (spanish for green stick) will start to bloom and I'll do my best to show them in their glory.