Calling all Moms - Help!

The household is complete and at peace (not literally). Jerry is home on leave for the weekend.

I went to work this morning, late but nonetheless there, and Jerry decided to hang with Ben. Ben decided not to leave his papa out of site. He asked him earlier this morning "you go bye-bye gain?". Papa told him the truth and said he wouldn't leave for a few days. They made breakfast together, did laundry (yea!) and went to Toys R Us. McDonald's lunch was on the menu and it was there Ben decided to make a stand. Against Papa!

He wouldn't listen, decided he would do anything he wanted whenever he wanted and posed fits of... well, we'll just say fits. Papa decided it was time to come home and take a nap. Ben was not happy with the situation but laid down in bed while Jerry laid on the couch. Jerry awoke about 40 minutes later to find Ben in bed with an entire plate of Valentine's day cupcakes. He was licking the frosting off and throwing the cake part across the room. He also hid the cell phone on which I had left messages earlier and who knows what else. Sadly, Jerry got a small taste of what it has been like since he's been gone.

When I arrived home, Ben was in bed - not quite sleeping I might note. But throwing pillows, blankets and diapers around his room. Good news - the diapers were new. Bad news - the diapers were new. Did I mention, he wasn't wearing pants (or a diaper)? Ben... not Jerry. I got him re-dressed and he is now in the living room playing a video game while Papa attempts to nap on the couch. At least I'm hoping he's still playing quietly.

Suggestions for an unruly 3 year old? Definitely thinking about switching to soy and away from milk at this point. I need to try something as timeouts and spanking doesn't seem to work.

JL

Just A Thought....

I think it may be time to make a come back into the blogosphere. It's been almost a month since I've been on and I'm losing my mind. Getting more sleep but definitely losing my sanity. I have come to the realization that this blog is written more for myself than to keep hubby updated on homefront news. This is my emotional outlet and creative distraction. I love to read blogs from all of the .dot comrades out there - you are helping to keep a mother on the edge. period. You keep me from tipping over the edge. Thank you!

Frankly, I've experienced days in recent, very recent past that I was happy Monday came around and sad that I must leave to come home. You see, I think this having it all and doing it all by yourself thing is wearing a bit thin. I have a three year old, an almost thirteen year old, a stressful job, no hubby to hug @ night and a disorganized house. Uggggh! Why doesn't Calgon come and take me away?

Mommy and Daddy are coming tomorrow - hopefully they can run interference so I can drown myself in deep therapy. House Cleaning! It will also be nice to have adults in the house, I tend to believe the knowledge of just knowing there are others like me hanging out in the next room will be peace enough.

JL

5 Things...

I am going to consider myself "tagged" by one of .dot comrades. I went to her site earlier to check in and found 5 Things about her - she had been tagged by a friend. So here I sit tagged and contemplating my five things. By the way, if you're reading this, you must realize you've been tagged as well.

1 - I suffer (or I'd prefer to say "deal with") social anxiety. I believe I have a pretty good personality which most people see once I've been around for a while. Its that initial meeting, the from the hip type of encounters that render me almost helpless. Oddly enough, I'm a sales person and work on the anxiety every day. There are some days I sit in my car for a few minutes in order to "talk myself into" (practicing) the impending meeting.

2- I think I'm afraid of success. This is a fairly recent discovery about myself so I think I'll talk more about it later. Stay tuned for blog - film at 11!

3 - I play the viola. One of the reasons I picked the scroll work for my id. My happiest memories from school are when I was playing. I haven't played in years but will be picking up shortly. I'm waiting for the holiday season to pan out and then start practicing again. This is one of those doomed success stories that I'll blog about later. I am determined to dust it off, tune it and pour out my passion on the strings.

4 - I sleep with a Teddy Bear. Yep I really do. I received this bear as a Christmas present from a boyfriend years ago (20 or so) and he (Bear) goes with me everywhere. Business trips, vacations, car rides and even camping. Some people sleep with body pillows, I sleep with a bear.

5 - I miss my cat tremendously. No his name was not tremendously it was Emerson. ha-ha (sorry) He was my first adult pet (I was the adult not him). He always knew when I had "one of those days", would come to me when I'd cry and loved me unconditionally. He was 17 years old when I had to help him from this world. I was there with him and wouldn't have had it any other way. The doctor let me sit with him for as long as I needed so I was able to say good bye, love him with pets and cry in his fur one last time.

Sorry for the rather melancholy blog. I've noticed my thoughts flow much easier with the sad stuff - WTF? Happy stuff does happen here in this Sonoran home and I will write on those occasions in the future.

so... Tagged! You're It!

Quitting NaBloPoMo

Well... I took some time this weekend for me... in a manner of speaking. I watched movies with Bekah and Ben, cleaned my kitchen (although you couldn't tell now), took naps, caught up on HGtv, cleaned my bedroom, watched an entire movie start to finish in one sitting, finished another book and finished laundry (again). Look at the dresser - there is actually wood on there!

I did not blog all weekend and actually didn't even turn my computer on. No surfing, didn't check email and didn't blog. So... in order to keep from losing my mind I quit NaBloPoMo.

Ben has been so much better since I've been watching his sugar intake. I have Kris (daycare provider) watching the sugar as well. By the way, did you know grapes have sugar in them? Natural yes but still sugar. I think the deletion of a usually ever present parent is the biggest impact but I think he's adjusting well. I know he's sleeping longer and better.

We lay down on the big king size bed every night to read a pile of books. His current favorite is "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle. Ben loves the cute story and laughs in all of the right places. His personal reading time of 10 minutes or so is usually spent looking through a "word" book. It's a picture book with all sorts of scenes in which the things / people are labeled so kids can learn the names of common household items. There is a grumpy cat in every picture he loves to look for.

I am still sick but on medication which of course makes me drowsy. It also makes me cough which wakes me up throughout the night but as long as I get better so be it. So I better get to it if I want to be any sort of useful tomorrow.

Home-made pumpkin pies, from scratch, were the efforts of tonight - pictures & instructions to follow. =)

Thank you JJ for commenting on the last blog post. It's nice to know family in other parts of the country is keeping updated. I've never been the greatest correspondent so hopefully this will suffice.

Where did the ball go?

I'm looking for advice so feel free to comment up a storm. Tell me to get a life, get my *ss in gear, whatever - I just cannot seem to get my head in the game. People tell me I have a lot on my mind (really?), not to worry, it's just natural all things considered. Come on! I'm a professional and when I don't pull my weight (which is a lot) I'm not happy with myself. (blah)

I've been working @ my company for 12 years now. I've held a variety of positions from secretary to management. I am currently in sales with a quota over my head. Now, typical of most sales jobs, there is a lot of middle mgmt over me that likes to put their finger in the mix to stir things up. Specifically things that deter me from the primary goal - making money. Sales.

We have mandatory training (on-line & classroom) , customer calls, customer visits, report after report and like all other jobs the stuff someone else is supposed to handle but doesn't so you have to do it yourself so it gets done properly. Well I play the game. I use the tools given to me, turn in my reports (when I remember and I'll get to that later), make the calls, visit the clients, etc. When in a normal work day am I supposed to sell something? That aside the main problem is as follows.

The main problem (in my opinion) is my brain. I miss appointments that are clearly written on my calendar, forget to answer voice mail, not followed up on the "sure thing" sale which by the way I end up losing. I've even forgotten to hit the button on my emailed proposal and once again end up blowing off my client. WHISKEY-FOXTROT-TANGO! (military for WTF)

Yes, I have been distracted. Hmmmmm.... who wouldn't be with their husband somewhere else for a long period of time. Like I said, I'm doing the footwork, logging the calls and miles on my car but I just cannot get my mind back into the game. I have always been one of the most conscientious (spelling?) worker bee out there and by the way I don't cheat or steal to get my customers.

My sales suck big time right now and I feel like the biggest loser and failure because I can't even focus on the job. I haven't given 100% in a long time... 75% is hard enough. God, I hate that.

How do I get my head back in the game? How do I remember all of the things to do during a day? (obviously writing it down doesn't work) Any ideas out there? Things that have worked for you? Not worked? Uggghhhhh!

This situation has me absolutely flustered. I have always been on the go and on the ball. The ball rolled away somewhere and I kind of need to find it!