Thursday, November 13
Jerry is home. He came home (stateside) the evening of September 14th, 2008. I met him at Pt. Mugu (Magoo) late the following day, in the cool (shivering) California coast night time air. Tears, hugs, kisses and lots of hugs ensued.
I was just so very happy he was finally home safe & sound. The world is right again. I am whole again.
J is adjusting well to civilian life. Only a couple anxious moments with traffic and crowds. That and the inability for him to stop and relax. There is always some project around the house that needs to be done. I guess it's hard to stop the 24/7 life.
I will update soon. Promise.
Tuesday, June 10
Friday, May 9
Thank you to all the military spouses and families who stand and wait for their loved ones to return home.
Tuesday, April 29
Monday, April 28
The worst part of the past couple weeks - allergies. I have not suffered from allergies this severe since 4th or 5th grade when we first moved to Arizona. My mom reminded me I used to be her little helper in the garden - just like Ben - until we moved. From that point on I was the inside helper.
I remember going to the nurse because I had something in my eye. At first glance the nurse thought I had pink-eye since my eyes were so red. No such luck. Allergies.
Ben wanted to play outside last week so I grabbed a book and figured he could run like a wild child while I sat peacefully with my literature. My nose (& eyes) started running but I stuck it out thinking this was the worst. An itchy face is fairly normal with my allergies - mind you I'm sitting on the patio, not rolling in the grass. A new symptom has reared it's ugly head on my face - a red rash & hives on my eye lids. Yippee!
I pray for the heat only because allergies lessen when things stop growing. And things stop growing in the dry Arizona heat of summer. Woo-hoo! ???
Monday, April 21
Saturday, April 19
Monday, April 14
I have come to the conclusion (just this weekend) I do not like to be home. Home is not complete without Jerry here. I am just not completely happy in this house I call home. I do not feel whole.
Is this normal?
I left for my parents house Friday evening within an hour of getting home. Packed up myself, Ben and Bear, loaded up the truck and took a drive. My parents didn't even know we were coming until I called from the road. Once there we had a great time. Ben was wonderful and we were able to spend much needed quality time together. Quality time is so much easier when all of your projects and to-do lists are 100 miles away! =)
Anyway, when Sunday evening arrived I did not want to come home. We actually woke up this morning at 5:30am and drove home this morning, unloaded the truck and ran off to work. Again, not spending too much time inside the house.
Am I losing my mind? Should I talk to someone about this?
Friday, March 21
Whether I’m conscientiously eating a nice healthy salad or downing an entire sleeve of Thin Mint cookies I constantly think about my weight. I think about what I need to do to get back on track and lose the 25 – 30 pounds I picked up along the way. I think about trying the “Mind Over Matter Weight Management System - Just think yourself thinner!” No I’m not an idiot, but I swear it’s happened before. When I was younger it seemed all I had to do was think about losing weight and, in the words of Emeril “BAM!”, the fat just fell right off. Nowadays the exact opposite occurs, I just think about those Peanut M&Ms and through the scientific process of osmosis those M&Ms somehow show up on my thighs.
Honestly, I have started to monitor my food intake because my doctor told me I’d probably have a longer, higher quality life without all the bread and cheese. Come on! I’m a Midwestern girl these things are dietary staples. All kidding aside, my cholesterol count was too high and my triglycerides were over the top. I’ve tried to cut fried foods out as much as possible and replace them with healthier alternatives. Other than the scheduled monthly chocolate requirement, snacks now include baby carrots, tomatoes and sugar-snap peas – sans dressing. Sadly, I haven’t lost much weight with my lower (complex)carb, lower cholesterol dining habits but I have to admit I do feel better and have more energy. I think I can even feel the blood flow more freely through my arteries.
Recently, I have been mentally (not yet physically) moving myself towards that four letter word… can I say it… EXERCISE! Wait! That’s nine letters. Anyway, I already have the elliptical, Pilates machine, exercise ball as well as a variety of exercise videos so I really don’t have any excuses. Except - when do I truly have time to exert this kind of energy and move my body? Full-time job, two kids, dog and cat aside, I suppose my nightly blog activity could be completed earlier in order to go to sleep at a decent hour thus enabling an earlier start to the day and take an early morning walk. It seems feasible.
So I guess it’s time to act, set the alarm a ½ hour earlier and start moving in some form or fashion. I really don’t have to like it I just have to do it. Hey! The morning walk may even tire my ever energetic, non-stop three year old son. Now that’s incentive!
Thursday, March 20
- What color is your bra? - Black w/frisky comments in fuschia, pink, purple
- Do you straighten your hair everyday? - No, it's bad to do it everyday
- Do you worry about the size of your boobs? - Not really. However I'd like to be able to button a blouse all the way - I have to wear a tank 'cause normal shirts just don't fit over these things
- What’s your favorite girly magazine? -
- Would you kill for chocolate? - No, but I would trip them, grab the candy & run
- Jeans or Skirts? - Jeans.
- Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that’s uncomfortable? - Sadly yes. I'm such a slave to fashion - HA! But yes.
- Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy? - Yup, my wedding day
- Did you ever cry during a romantic movie? - Of course
- Would you leave the house without makeup on? - Yeah, usually Home Depot runs
- Do you consider making out “unladylike”? - No way
- On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping? - Books are a definite 10
- Are you spoiled? - Don't think so
- Do you think lip gloss is the best? - Don't use it.
- Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show? - Ya - Jericho
- Do you yell a lot? - Embarrassed to say Yes. @ Ben mostly. Makes me sad to admit it.
- How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? - W/shower 1 hour, without 40 minutes, w/Ben around anywhere between 1 - 3 hours (honestly)
- Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work? - No. Pajama pants in public - come on, I'm an adult.
- Accessories make the outfit; true or false? - True!
- Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe? - I love pink, but no.
- Lip gloss a must? - Not at all
- Status? - Sleepy and stupid for staying up so late
- Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy? - No.
- Do you often wish there was something you could change about yourself? - Yes, I'd like to finish something
- Gold or silver? - Both. As long as its white gold
- The guy that you like/love/whatever, what does his name begin with? - J
- Do you dress up too much for holidays? - No, though I wish I had the opportunity
- Do you like wearing dresses? - No, I'm with Sandi on this one. You have to sit like a lady with a dress on. Ugh!
- Do you write a lot of mushy love poems? - Uh, No(t anymore)
- What makeup could you not live without? - Bare Minerals Foundation
Tuesday, March 18
Monday, March 17
The last few days visiting with these websites, I have come to miss my best friend even more. It seems that although I read stories from women around the country (even overseas) it makes the distances between Jerry and I so much more. More what? Real? Inconceivable? Far away? Expansive. I find it difficult to comment as I do not want my downward mood to effect others. Although here I am posting it tothe world.
I miss talking to him about the little stuff of life. The flowers blooming, the crack in the windshield, the rocks collected on walks. I think most of all I miss his presence. Just to know he was here in the house or just across the state line was bearable. An ocean? It's just too huge to comprehend.
It seems once a month (hmmmm... that seems kind of pattern like) it dawns on me how very far away he is. Sending a care package was even bittersweet. It's nice to know he will open the box and touch the same items I had touched. He'll enjoy the cookies sent and pictures Ben made for him. To see his expression when he pulls the picture of Ben's self portrait would be heaven.
This journal is my release and I'm hoping it helps enough to relieve the stress enough to enjoy a full night's sleep. Good night.
Sunday, March 16
Friday, March 14
Weather person indicated during the news earlier this morning, "If you have outdoor stuff for the weekend, get it done on Saturday." Evidently, our high for Saturday will be around 78 and sunny (not altogether odd for AZ). But Sunday, high of 64, cloudy with chance of rain.
Maybe I should do the ultimate outdoor activity and wash my car just to clinch the inclement weather around the corner. I guess Ben and I will work on getting the backyard mowed and trimmed before grass & weeds are too high to deal with. (see the weeds over there under Ben's right hand - it's in his sandbox)
For those of you with temps below 64 - I do not mock our low temps or believe them to be even close to yours. I just don't want to give up my shorts so soon - I was kind of enjoying the shorts and tank weather.
Thursday, March 13
Earlier this week, I took my camera with me and was able to snap a couple pictures of spring taking over the hills. Poppies cover numerous hillsides and bright purple, yellow and red flowers color the local roadways. I am always impressed by the palette of vibrant colors available for my senses to experience here in the desert. Aside from the recent cool weather (mid 80s), spring is the best time to experience the Sonoran Desert.
As I travel throughout the state, I will bring my camera and hopefully introduce my readers to the wonders of my home. Soon, our state tree, the Palo Verde (spanish for green stick) will start to bloom and I'll do my best to show them in their glory.
Wednesday, March 12
So Ben and I climbed aboard a train earlier in the morning and arrived in Oxnard, CA later in the evening. As noted Jerry and I had wonderful Alaskan Cod from a small restaurant in Ventura, fell asleep and woke up the next morning together.
After Jerry headed off for another day of duty, Ben and I remained in bed asleep for a couple more hours. Rested, showered and dressed for a cool California day we awaited Jerry's return to our hotel room. He arrived later that morning and we all headed to the Santa Barbara zoo. Upon seeing the ocean and filling my senses with a cool ocean breeze all of the stress from the previous four months were blown away by that same breeze. I miss the smell and constant sound of the ocean waves crashing on the shore. Anyway, I digress.
Sadly, the day was cloudy, windy and from time to time fairly rainy. We strolled through the zoo enjoying the cool breezes and exotic animals prowling about. Giraffes, gibbons, leopards, parrots, elephants and numerous other mammels and amphibiens were on hand to attract the attention of our excitable three year old. Ben is partial to otters. We aren't sure why but he absolutely loves otters and it doesn't matter what zoo he's in the otters hold his typically sound-byte length attention.My amazement was held by the lush greenery and tropical flowers through out the zoo. I couldn't get enough of the colors and waxy looking petals. In fact, the family was separated several times due to my photo safari through out the afternoon. In a matter of seconds my men would be around the corner and up the next hill before I even noticed they were gone. Hmmmmm.... alone time? Okay, I have to say I wasn't in a hurry to catch up. In fact, I wasn't in a hurry at all the entire time we were in California.
Once the rain started to fall a little harder and for longer periods of time we decided to pack it in and find a place to eat. But not before visiting the nearby beach. Ben fell asleep in the car so I kicked off my tennies, rolled up my pants and went for a walk. Jerry hung back in the truck just in case Ben woke up while I splashed in the cold surf. Again, even more stress was released from both body & mind.
Jerry drove us "home" to Ventura and he introduced us to Ericsson's Ventura, California. The restaurant itself is located on the boardwalk over the beach. From what I understand the restaurant was originally situated at the end of the pier but was beaten by the watery fury of mother nature. Waves. =) Anyway, our evening began on the deck of the bar with a couple of cocktails and some wonderful calamari (Ben's favorite). Once the restaurant opened we were seated at a window table in the corner - one hundred and eighty degrees of ocean beauty. Aside from the antics of an extremely tired 3 year old who refused to sit in his chair, dinner was wonderful.
Again, we ended up in the hotel room, as a family, getting ready for bed. We snuggled, slept comfortably until the next morning when once again we awoke... together.
FYI - for more pictures from our trip (and others) click here for photos by Just Laura. They are a little disorganized but there for enjoyment by all.
Tuesday, March 11
Monday, March 10
A couple of weeks ago Ben and I boarded a train @ 2:30 in the morning in order to visit Jerry for Family Weekend. At 2:32 we climb aboard the sleeper car with way too many carry ons, change for bed and sit to watch the moonlit scenery whiz past the windows of our car. Much to my disdain Ben is way too excited to sleep and keeps making comments about the view. In order to paint a better picture he is on the top bunk peeking through a one inch gap between his mattress and the window. Yak, yak, yak - I seem to recall a time when I was waiting (& wanting) my baby boy to say his first words. After several pleadings I have somehow cajoled Ben into remaining quiet for 20 minutes. Once an acceptable amount of time has passed and I'm positive he's sleeping, I relax enough for sleep to wash over me.
Jolted out of the falling asleep feeling is a tiny voice calling out "Mama, me sleep with you?". What can I say? My 24" bunk has way too much room for me to sleep comfortably. The rest of the night, I am perched on the edge of the bunk on my side while sleepy noises come from the foot side of my bunk. At least someone got a good nights rest - even though it was only for 3 hours.
Around 6:30 I woke up to a beach side view. Am I on the wrong train? No, we were passing by the Salton Sea - heard of it but never saw it before. Ben wakes up shortly after and wants to go for a walk. We dress and head to breakfast in the dining car. Fully re-fueled we are touring the train and take a rest in the lounge car. Ben is quite impressed with the full-wall windows rising into the ceiling. Took a nap in our car - both of us. Yea!
After switching trains in Los Angeles we begin the meandering trip up the coast in our commuter train. Stopping every 15-20 minutes and sitting in coach. At this point the train effect still has hold of Ben but he's definitely antsy. I liked our little room in which we could hole up & relax. Anyhow, we arrive in Oxnard around 4:30ish. Jerry picked us up and took us and all of our cargo to the hotel room.
Once Jerry was off duty we went to wharf in Ventura to order fish & chips. I have to say the fish would have been better hot but I must say this was the best fish I've ever eaten, even cold. Ben fell asleep on the way. Jerry and I fell asleep a little while later.
The best part of this first day was waking up with Jerry. Even at 0500 since duty calls early.
Tuesday, February 26
- Thank you for the replies to the previous post regarding monster 3 year old issues. I do appreciate the help and will try both milk substitute (already started) and mommy time outs.
- What is "Meme"? I see it everywhere and don't quite understand.
- Will update blog starting tonight - just got back from CA, hubby "ships out" Saturday. =(
Friday, February 15
I went to work this morning, late but nonetheless there, and Jerry decided to hang with Ben. Ben decided not to leave his papa out of site. He asked him earlier this morning "you go bye-bye gain?". Papa told him the truth and said he wouldn't leave for a few days. They made breakfast together, did laundry (yea!) and went to Toys R Us. McDonald's lunch was on the menu and it was there Ben decided to make a stand. Against Papa!
He wouldn't listen, decided he would do anything he wanted whenever he wanted and posed fits of... well, we'll just say fits. Papa decided it was time to come home and take a nap. Ben was not happy with the situation but laid down in bed while Jerry laid on the couch. Jerry awoke about 40 minutes later to find Ben in bed with an entire plate of Valentine's day cupcakes. He was licking the frosting off and throwing the cake part across the room. He also hid the cell phone on which I had left messages earlier and who knows what else. Sadly, Jerry got a small taste of what it has been like since he's been gone.
When I arrived home, Ben was in bed - not quite sleeping I might note. But throwing pillows, blankets and diapers around his room. Good news - the diapers were new. Bad news - the diapers were new. Did I mention, he wasn't wearing pants (or a diaper)? Ben... not Jerry. I got him re-dressed and he is now in the living room playing a video game while Papa attempts to nap on the couch. At least I'm hoping he's still playing quietly.
Suggestions for an unruly 3 year old? Definitely thinking about switching to soy and away from milk at this point. I need to try something as timeouts and spanking doesn't seem to work.
Friday, February 1
My parents are here. I had an awful day, evening and night Wednesday, called them on Thursday and pleaded for help. They are here and I am truly blessed to have two parents come to my rescue. Much was accomplished tonight. Grandpa helped with discipline. Grandma helped in the kitchen. Bekah helped in the living room. I continued with the never ending piles of laundry. Family at it's best.
Only one thing could have made it better. Jerry. Although, if Jerry were here, a rescue would be unnecessary - I think... Anyway, to keep you all updated - Jerry is still in training and we will be headed over for Family Weekend at the end of the month. His battallion leaves shortly after that weekend and thus starts his tour of duty. It's an odd sensation to realize your other half won't be just a phone call away. Surreal actually. Uncomprehensible.
Yesterday, I read (on a friend's desk) "Faith makes all things possible. Not easy." So very true - I know we will make it through this season with God's grace. Please pray for Jerry's safety, my sanity, and both kid's sense of family.
Thursday, January 31
Frankly, I've experienced days in recent, very recent past that I was happy Monday came around and sad that I must leave to come home. You see, I think this having it all and doing it all by yourself thing is wearing a bit thin. I have a three year old, an almost thirteen year old, a stressful job, no hubby to hug @ night and a disorganized house. Uggggh! Why doesn't Calgon come and take me away?
Mommy and Daddy are coming tomorrow - hopefully they can run interference so I can drown myself in deep therapy. House Cleaning! It will also be nice to have adults in the house, I tend to believe the knowledge of just knowing there are others like me hanging out in the next room will be peace enough.